DEAR DEMOCRATS - by Jim Kent

Dear Democrats:

I am a lifelong Republican who is sorry your party have decided they don’t want to win any elections for a while.  Three of the bigger reasons why I think that:

1.  Apparently you’re going to keep banging on about Mr. Tangerine Man and President Musk instead of going after my party, although your candidates will never have to run against either of them.   I am still unable to figure out why y’all recently organized national protests against those two where nobody mentioned my gang of zombies at all.  

The danger, which is real, is that once these two are gone, everyone will relax.  But jellyfish are dangerous even though they have neither spines nor brains.

No Democrat should ever utter the name of the Current Incumbent from this day forth.  Everybody knows who he is and what he does.  Instead, you should nail my party firmly to their puppetmaster.  When Trump does or says anything awful, do not say “Trump” did it.  Say “the Republican party” did it, or at least “Trump and the Republican party.” In his official capacity, he is “the leader of the Republican party” and nothing else.  In states or districts with a Republican incumbent, presidential atrocities are down to “[incumbent’s name] and the Republicans.”

President Musk needn’t be named ever again either.  He is “the Republicans’ hatchet man.”  Nobody will be confused about who you mean.  Stop running against people who will never be candidates against you.  It makes you as pointless as my gang are when they quack and flap about Biden, or or Obama, or the Clintons, or FDR.

So: “Republican leader’s  tariffs”; “Republicans consider cutting Social Security”; “Republican hatchet man’s actions reduce air traffic safety”; “Republican healthcare fantasies kill children.”  One hopes, with no evidence from past actions, that you get the idea.

2.  Apparently you’re not planning to unify your party behind any message that anybody cares about.  Silly me, I always figured that sooner or later you’d notice that you can’t win the culture wars and would go back to what you used to be pretty good at:  trying to take care of workers or would-be workers and their families.  Nobody is really doing that at the moment, although my gang of liars and thugs are claiming to, so that role is available if you want to stake a credible claim to it. 

What my gang have got good at since the Nixon reign is making people afraid, preferably of nothing.  It is much harder to make people afraid if they have stable jobs in a stable economy.  You used to know this, but I don’t suppose agreeing on your program or your message has occurred to you.   Apparently pronouns are more important to a lot of you.

3.  You waited far too long to take the car keys away from Grandpa Biden.  A nice old fellow, but y’all were too patient and  gentle with him.  Do not make the same mistake with Grandpa Schumer.  Everyone, including many of us Olde White Guys, are really tired of Olde White Guys.  This isn’t mostly about policies; it’s mostly about wrinkles.  And tactics. Do pay attention to the world around you.

I do not of course expect you or any other Democrats to do anything remotely like any of this. However, see Ezekiel 3:18 where The Boss says, in effect, “If you tell them and they ignore you, they take the rap, but if you don’t tell them, it’s also on you.”  Or, as Heschel said, “In a free society, few are guilty, but all are responsible.”  It’s that sort of thing.  Just doing my job.